then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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