If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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