I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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