So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize