one word: firstdatebathroomanal
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
