Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize