We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
