ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
