My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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