toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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