I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
soo... how was my night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
