My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
