it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
