my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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