Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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