Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
