have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
