Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found a bag of teeth...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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