i think my tv is drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
