Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize