He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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