Someone shit on the floor
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
