its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm like, not good at living.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
