Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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