It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
