If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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