i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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