When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
