Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize