I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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