Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
