I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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