but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
