Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
