I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
