she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
