Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
