Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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