a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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