At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize