"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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