Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
