she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
