wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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