yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
