Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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