Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize