i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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