peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
