true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
