So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
