Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
