i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize