Umm I'm too high to move.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
