We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
