I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
