I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
