So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
