4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
