No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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