I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
are you so shy because you have an std?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
