I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
