All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
