Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize