I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
