This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
