I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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