dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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