a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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