We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
