His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
