apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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