Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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