true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
