I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize