Just cropdusted the office
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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